How to Change an Overachiever to be more Self Confident

The distinction between being outward and being self-confident stands out the most when you are talking about overachievers. To the casual observer, they appear sure they can do it all and do it well, but on the inside, they constantly worry about failure. Repeatedly they get involved in activities they do not enjoy, simply to satisfy the expectations of other folks.

Self-confident folks work toward improvements that help them enjoy their lives. That matches their actions with their intentions, and see success as life improvements they enjoy. Working for work's sake or your friends or parents and especially for the strangers down the street, rob you of self-confidence.

Overachievers judge themselves based on other folk’s opinions. When a teacher tells an overachieving youngster they have done well on a test, they feel confident in that subject. However, when a teacher tells them they are disappointed in their work, they feel useless, regardless of how much effort they put into it.

Trying to change someone's perspective from outward acknowledgment to inner satisfaction is not easy, not even when that person is you.

Ditch Your Baggage

The key to self-confidence is deciding which activities you enjoy and what things you like doing. You then need to think hard about the reasons why. Do you like working as a volunteer because of your interaction with other folk, or because your name is printed in a bulletin at the end of each month?

Ending commitments can be very hard work, partially because other folks expect your participation even more now that you have made a name for yourself. Routine has a lot to do with things as well. Overachievers typically like life to be predictable, even if it means doing things they do not like.

By doing this, you create a path to boredom and eventual self-sabotage. You should take pride and enjoyment from everything you do. Only then, will you feel fulfilled and have the drive to improve your life and believe in yourself.

Revive Your Interests

Some overachievers live well into adulthood without stopping to consider their own wants and needs. They are so busy living up to other folk’s expectations they have no time to waste on themselves. Changing this attitude is not selfishness. We all have ways to help other folks that we can enjoy at the same time.

Expose yourself to the possibilities. Watch television, read papers and magazines, ask the local tourist board what events take place in your area. Follow the sparks of interest that come along the way. You may find a hobby you will practice for a few months, or for the rest of your life.

Overachievers need to ask themselves what makes another person's interests more important than their own. As an adult your hobbies, employment and religion need to be focused on what is in your heart, not somebody else's.

Facing the Resistance

For the last four years, Joanne volunteered with her mom at the local domestic assault center. After her parents moved to Florida, she decided to give her attention to the art museum instead. It was not long before her mom called from her new home after talking with the shelter director. "The shelter needs you."

How can Joanne tell her mom that the museum needs folks too or that she connects better with the younger volunteers where she is at than the older women who work at the shelter do.

She has several ways of doing this. The first would be to ignore her mom's opinion and focus only on how much she is enjoying her choice. She can also turn the conversation around and ask her mom where she is volunteering now in Florida.

Even if mom gets in her digs, Joanne will feel guilty for five minutes in comparison to feeling good at the museum for an hour each week. She is also feeling more self-confident, because she chose to make a move, to improve her life, and she succeeded.

You should not have to wait for your parents to move away, your boss to die, or your friend to get sick of you to move on when things become an energy drain. Work to improve your life every day, replace pride in yourself for the opinions of other folks, and start on the road to being self-confident.